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RESPONDING TO EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION

5/18/2014

5 Comments

 
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Hello friends!  Trust you all had a God-blessed weekend.  You may find today's post by Karla Downing of CHANGE MY RELATIONSHIPS helpful......if not for yourself for a friend. :)

Emotional manipulation occurs when someone uses fear, obligation, guilt, or threats to make you act or feel a certain way that is to his/her own benefit. When you recognize that someone is using emotional manipulation on you, you have to decide how to respond to it. Your goal is not to let the emotional manipulator manipulate you. In other words, you have to be strong enough not to give in to it.

Here are some things you can do that will help you resist the manipulation:

  • Stop trying to change emotional manipulators. They are highly resistant to change.
  • Know your weaknesses and how you are usually pressured to give in.
  • Don’t use emotional arguments. Stick to the facts instead.
  • Don’t expect to win arguments or convince the person you are right and he/she is wrong.
  • Don’t try to defend yourself. It won’t work.
  • Stop the manipulative interactions as quickly as you can, so you won’t get worn down and give in. Use short responses, end the conversation, or leave.
  • Know your boundaries and stick to them.
  • Limit the time you spend together, if you have that option.
  • Don’t take the threats personally. Detach from them by recognizing that the emotional manipulator is using pressure tactics to get you to give in.
  • Work on getting stronger by knowing what you believe and who you are.
  • Share the interaction with someone else to get validation that the person is being emotionally manipulative.
  • If it is possible without causing the situation to escalate, let the manipulator know that what was said was outrageous and unacceptable.
This is not easy to do at first. You will learn to do it slowly and incrementally. And it will always take vigilance and strength to resist emotional manipulation, but as hard as it is to do, it is necessary and right. You will have to do it if you are in a relationship with someone using emotional manipulation.

Relationship Devotional Prayer  - God, help me recognize and respond to emotional manipulation in a way that enables me to resist the manipulation.

Relationship Devotional Challenge -
Make a plan for how you will resist emotional manipulation when it happens.

Scripture Meditation  -
Matthew 10:16  “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves” (NIV).

1 Peter 5:8  “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith” (NIV).

5 Comments
Heidi
5/18/2014 04:22:37 pm

I spent years wearing myself out trying to "make" the emotional manipulators in my life "understand" me and finally realize this just does not work. Lately I've been learning that they can try to play their manipulative games but I don't have to join in their dance so to speak. Sometimes it's easier than others to back out, but I'm getting better at it. One thing I know that if someone panics, expecting I should panic with them, I can graciously back out and enjoy my day anyway. Or if they tell me I (or "we?" ) *must* do something when it's really their wish.... I can back away and still enjoy myself and pray and trust God. I don't have to play the role of the savior and do all that people expect. I can let God be God. That's much easier.

Reply
Heidi
5/18/2014 04:32:49 pm

I already posted but really want to add something here, I am so thankful for yesterday. After getting 5 phone messages (Saturday morning!!) that were full of anxiety and/or panic because of my father being close to death's door, the natural reaction would have been to immediately hop in the car and drive to the hospital where he had been taken by ambulance... and get all wrapped up in panicky emotions and discussions with other family members about what "should" be done "if"... etc... but (apart from two relatively short phone calls connected with my power of attorney role) I really just felt the Lord telling me to worship Him and enjoy Him. So I did... and also enjoyed time in the garden much of the day... and praised Him more. God is in control, not me and I'm not the Savior, Jesus is!! My father is much better now. I'm so glad I didn't give in to the pressures that were coming at me. I'm glad God wanted me to experience joy in the midst of the storm and that I am not obligated to join the panic parties around me!

Reply
Judy Muir link
5/20/2014 12:41:28 am

Thanks for sharing Heidi! Great not to go to the 'panic parties'! :)

Reply
Christine Priestman
5/19/2014 03:18:11 pm

Living with an emotional manipulator was what I did for 23 years. I learned a lot, especially that if they do not change I cannot live with them.

Reply
Judy Muir link
5/20/2014 12:42:24 am

Great thing to learn Christine!

Reply



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