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SHAME AND ADDICTION

10/7/2014

3 Comments

 
Part 2 - Shame and Addiction Shame is at the foundation of every compulsive, self-defeating behavior. It is at the root of all addictions. It drives behavior as an attempt to cover up the hidden core of shame.

Feelings need to be kept secret, as do thoughts and behaviors of their families and themselves. A great deal of energy is expended in the effort to hide shame.

A shame-based person lives in the constant fear that they will become emotionally naked in front of others. Although they may appear relaxed and in control, underneath they are terrified, angry, lonely, and ashamed. They believe that if they expose their true feelings, they will be shamed by those who see them.

Shame manifests itself in addictions.

The addiction can be for alcohol, drugs, food, sex, television, work, shopping, exercise, relationships, gambling, adrenaline, and control, for example.

The addiction serves to temporarily relive anxiety, stress, feelings of powerlessness, avoid true feelings, problems and intimacy.

Addictions are unhealthy mechanisms that keep one from feeling their true feelings. The deeper the pain inside the more it pervades every aspect of their lives and the more the need to numb the pain through addiction. The pain is strong and frightening and many times takes more than one addiction to deny and hide the pain.

Over the years of hiding their true selves they no longer know who they really are.

They become two people - the exterior one and interior one.

Beneath the surface lies the fear of abandonment, guilt, shame, and identity and intimacy problems. Above the surface we see the symptoms manifested in various addictions.

3 Comments
Theresa
10/7/2014 01:16:53 pm

I for years felt that I was one person on the inside and another on the outside. There was and still can be a lot of anger inside. I am grateful that I have been able to work through a lot of the anger.

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christine
10/7/2014 01:54:22 pm

I am so glad I can rejoice in the truth that through recovery and working out the issues of family of origin I am no longer living from a place of shame. Instead I live from a place of joy and victory throughout the day and rest in peace at night.

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Heidi
10/8/2014 12:09:48 pm

I was in bondage to perfectionism and self-defeating habits for so many years, and on top of that I condemned myself for not being able to fix myself. Even now I sometimes give in to self-defeating patterns, but I don't beat myself up for it anymore and by God's grace get out of it faster than before. I accept myself as I am now, even with certain issues not totally resolved. This is definitely the work of God's grace. I believe as a result there is increasing freedom and I thank God for it so much.

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